I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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