I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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