u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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