it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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