There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
