Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Damn victory sex feels great
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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