Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
