I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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