I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
