Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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