Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
