I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
