Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Even my vagina gasped.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
