I met the friendliest cop last night
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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