when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
