guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
