I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i've created a new STD.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
