So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
