is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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