I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
