Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
