what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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