Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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