actually, I'm a sock model
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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