just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
