I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize