I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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