Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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