Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
