I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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