You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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