You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
