I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
