Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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