Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
