I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
