Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
