I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
