I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
