if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
