I'm gonna have a badass scar
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
