"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
