she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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