No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
