There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
