Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
