hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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