We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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