Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Randomize
