My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
