literally had 100 drinks last night.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
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Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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