dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
