Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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