woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
