I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
