How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
