so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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