I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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