yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
