you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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I can't put those talents on a resume
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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