Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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