when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
