Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
